The Best Browser of All
by IUsedToReadALotBeforeTumblr
Summary: 'Oh my God Anderson, you use Internet Explorer? Then again,' Sherlock drawled, 'you're so slow it must be thrilling.' Sherlock picks a fight with Anderson over the browsers he uses and John (sadly) has to intervene. Silly little crack!fic for fun :) Includes internet Explorer, Chrome, Firefox and Safari. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello everyone! I'm sorry I haven't updated any of my stories recently (It's All Fine, Retreating Shadows, Broken, etc.) but school has been CRAZY busy and quite stressful. I won't bore you with the details, but this is just a little ficlet (certainly not my best work at all) just to relieve the stress.**

**One another note, on FictionPress (with the same username as here) I have a story posted called Personal Project Novel (soon to be renamed 'Jamie'). It's for a school project, is only a few thousand words long (at the moment) and it would do be A MASSIVE favour if you read it for me! I would really appreciate having feedback from you guys and it would seriously help me along! Help a friend out and review please? It would do a world of good and I would love you FOREVER!**

**Enjoy the story!  
WARNINGS: mentions of porn use**

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**The Best Browser of All**

'Oh my God Anderson, you use Internet Explorer? Then again,' Sherlock drawled, 'you're so slow it must be thrilling.' The whole Yard seems to stop what they're doing momentarily; all the phones in the building silenced and footsteps ceased. It's the hush before a show begins and the staff is the audience.

Lestrade looks at John in confusion, looking for some explanation on what just happened. Except John has no idea what's going on either. In fact he had completely zoned out of the conversation until Sherlock's frustrated outburst.

'Excuse me,' Andersons sneers, 'but this browser works perfectly fine and I see no point in downloading another one that will do exactly the same thing.' he turns back to the computer but Sherlock leans over his shoulder and jabs a finger at the screen.

'But Chrome is right there at the bottom! We would already have the information by now if you'd just used that!'

Anderson shoves at Sherlock's chest and glares at Lestrade in a 'why do you subject me to this ridiculous man' way. Sally glares at Sherlock in an 'I hate you, you annoying bastard' way, but Sherlock doesn't see this as he is looking at John in a 'save me from these moronic peasants' sort of way. John just shrugs.

Sally's scowl at Sherlock intensifies to complete loathing as he begins listing the advantages of Chrome over Internet Explorer and Anderson himself. He checks off his arguments on his fingers like a child doing addition for the first time.

'…Chrome is faster than the both of you, it's easier to manage, loads all images, is much more reliable than you _specifically _Anderson, and is has an easy to use layout. I cannot see why you would even _bother_ to utilise such an atrocious browser! Even John avoids it for God's sake!' John thinks he's meant to take it as an insult but he really doesn't care at the moment. What's happening right now is far too amusing to interrupt.

The whole floor is watching the row keenly, all electronic beeping, ringing and crackling quieted as soon as they begin. Lestrade looks at John exasperatedly and he knows the fun's over. They have a case to solve and it's rather time wasting to argue over internet browsers. Lestrade barks out orders for them to continue their work and (using Internet Explorer) the case of the missing diamond cufflinks is solved within the next half hour. Sherlock is furious with the lack of effort it took him.

'Do you just decide to call me over every time a new case is slapped on your desk, Lestrade? Do you even bother to read them? They're so simple; deducing the life story of a pebble would be more stimulating!' he shouts, waving his arms about.

Sherlock leaves with his nose held high and John apologises awkwardly for his rude behaviour. He climbs into the cab Sherlock hailed just before it drives off without him.

'Was that really necessary?'

'Was what?'

'The thing back in there' John says, crossing his arms.

'For all the time Anderson spends looking up porn you would think that he'd have decided to use a more efficient browser.' John can't help but smirk.

'You want his porn viewing to be more efficient?'

Sherlock sighs, 'You know what I mean-'

'It's nice that you care and all but-'

'You're being an idiot, John-'

'It's sweet really, that you have such concern for his pleasure-'

'Shut up! I do not want to entertain how long it takes Anderson to get himself off to online porn any longer!'

An uncomfortable silence settles in the cab. John can see the driver's eyes are widened slightly, focussed resolutely on the road. Sherlock fidgets in his seat, not sure what to do with his hands or knees. John catches his eye and they both grin at each other. John is chuckling and he can see a light blush on Sherlock's cheeks and forehead.

They've arrived at the flat and still chortling occasionally, John pays the fare to the flustered driver. Sherlock lets them both inside and only once they're settled comfortably in their respective chairs does John decide to ask something.

'So you use Chrome and you know I use Firefox, right?'

'Bravo, your deductions really are improving.' Sherlock sighs and flips the page on the book he's reading.

'Which one's better?'

Sherlock contemplates this for a while with his book resting open in his lap. John waits patiently, genuinely interested in what Sherlock thinks. He then announces, 'Chrome is smoother running and is very easy to manage as I mentioned before, however Firefox allows customization down to the smallest details and offers very good privacy settings -'

'Doesn't stop you -' John mutters.

'- Yet Chrome offers multiple extension packs and has free apps you can download. They both crash quite often unfortunately - something that is unavoidable. They're both tolerable browsers for the most part.' John mulls over all of this silently. They're interesting arguments, but not enough to sway his loyalty to Firefox.

'Does Mycroft use Chrome as well? Are you the 'Chromes' family?' Sherlock snorts at his dismal pun.

'No we are not, he prefers Safari. I really don't know why. Perhaps he gets Mac laptops for free and just uses that.'

'Why would he get them for free?'

'Oh I don't know, probably some money saving scandal he's set up so he can buy more cakes or scones or whatever he likes.'

'Could it be perhaps because it's particularly good for viewing porn?' John offers with an innocent look on his face. Sherlock scrunches his eyes and thuds his book onto the floor angrily. John laughs as Sherlock starts rubbing his eyes and whining furiously.

'Mental images?' he giggles.

'There's so many! How do I stop them?!' Sherlock chokes.

'You-You can't!' John cackles. He's doubled over in his chair, wheezing for breathe as Sherlock looks around the flat desperately, trying to find something to think about other than Mycroft, hunched over and illuminated by the light of his screen. Eventually Sherlock fixes John with a brutal glare.

'If you ever mention anything like this ever again I _will_ castrate you with the first thing I see, regardless of its shape or purpose.'

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**AN: Don't forget to review! Have a nice day/sweet dreams!**


	2. NOTICE

HELLO EVERYBODY!

I have decided to re-write this story and post it on my new account on AO3! This will be happening with all of my other stories as well. It means that I will no longer be posting any chapters/new stories on this website at all. The re-written chapters have improved wording and better flowing sentences, the plot itself won't change but it's definitely worth a re-read (I've fixed quite a lot).

I will have exactly the same username as on this website (aren't I imaginative?)

Have a nice day everyone!


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